Emotional Tornadoes
The cloud forms, dark and splintered
Hovering above
For a moment we consider its beauty
Respect its power
Fear comes as we recall the danger
The storm comes and settles
Among us
It rips through what we know
Seems an eternity
Calm comes from within us
The debris lies all around
It landed
Nothing seems what it used to be
World has changed
We have lost some, but, we have gained
Emotional tornadoes come and go.
Acknowledgement of Terms
Who are you, please? Have we met?
You do seem familiar
You do sound familiar
I’m sorry, I know I’ve met you
Where are you from? Quien es tu familia?
You must be from Alice or maybe San Diego
I may have met you through family or friends
I’m sorry! I just can’t place you
It is uncomfortable for me to watch you
You are waiting for me to acknowledge
That I recognize you
That I am you
Blasted mirror! What are you reflecting?
Porque me estas reflexionando esta mujer?
She is me now
It was a devolution towards this morphing
She is quiet, timid, and overly careful
She is productive, intelligent y de muchos colores
She was oppressed, subjugated, and harassed into this newness
She is not who I used to be
Deep sighs! You ARE me now!
I suppose we should begin with, “hello”
I suppose I should explain that I didn’t recognize you
I suppose I should have you acknowledge ME. I am still HERE—in YOU
Magnetic Blood
Brother, they only made 2 of us
Our mother and father We were
Life happened to them
We were taken in different directions
Our mother took you
You both walked through Hades
Your small, bare feet harmed
Walking on fiery, broken glass
Our father left Earth
He's had to watch from afar
Your life went Left
Mine stayed Right
Ama Jilma, Apa Baltazar
Grandma Elia, Grandpa Manuel
Manuela y Francisco
And then you and me, Brother
You placed a hand on your door
You fell to your knees
You drew your last breath. Alone.
And your soul went Right
I am the last of the 2. Alone.
It used to be complicated
Thinking of you
Now the magnetic blood sorts it out
Brother, all I feel for you is Peace
All I want for you is Joy
Brother, I need you to know I remember
All that is left of YOU is ME and I love US deeply.
......for Frankie, mi hermano.
What of Me Will You Keep?
Children now grown
All three gone to live
Their houses made homes
Days, months, and years made lives
Songs, games, thoughts, beliefs
Foods, places, things
Advice, scoldings, reminders
When you were mine to tend to. I gave
Shadows, wisps of other days
Warmth of heart
Knowing more days are left
I'll see you and we will make future memories
I've examined what was left
By those who raised me
I've shared the best of them
Some of it please toss out
Singing, guitar, cards, music
Long talks, sudden laughter
Harsh truths, wine, crystal
Art, plants, good food, travel
Quiet, peaceful, simple joy
Time to think about what we think
Knowing who we are and were
By their names and deeds
I don't know what each of you
Will keep of me
Keep the best, pass it on
Toss out what didn't make you... You... the best of Me.
----For Oscar Vinson. Victoria Graves and Kathryn Vinson
This Mother Gig
I had a great mentor, Ama
But she was bound by a great pairing, Apa
I have waded through this “mother” gig
Sometimes slipping on slimy rocks and getting help from you to get up
I’ve kept the same ringtone for over 20 years
Since it was a midi file it blared from my cell
I learned to switch it off quickly when you were around
Your face twisted at the sound of “Sweet Child ‘O Mine”
The song now grows louder and louder as the caller waits
I want to hear it all
The caller CAN wait. I’ll call back
I need to hear and remember that you are still my child
I would take that cane and all that causes your need for it
I would be you without any hesitation
Absurdly, I would swear by this
Then step away because you would NOT be YOU
A line in the song that says that if I look at you too long I’ll cry
Tears of joy, happiness, pride in who you are now
Weak and so strong
Damaged and more whole than so many of us could ever be
Pills, infusions, doctors, and complicated medical terms
Slow, steady caned gait
You keep walking, you keep struggling, you keep remembering, my sweet child
You have this “mother” gig too and they are worth every effort you make.
I Define Myself
Born a baby, all humans are children
Grew to be a girl
Once I was a young lady
By definition, the Virgen
Married, contractually bound
I tended the house,
I bore children
By definition, the Kept Covert
I grew old, my lines are creases
I never counted on looks
The mirror helps me see clearly
By definition I'm not Femme Fetale
The Virgen, Covert and Fetale
Those aspects of me are gone
Left behind
Decades past and good riddance to some
I broke three spades
Tilling and taming soil
I'm a Child of the dirt
I play as often as possible
I speak my mind
I share my heart
I'd give away the shirt off my back
To cover any needs I find.
I am a Woman on my own
I no longer need any definitions
I'm comfortable enough knowing
Every day I try just being a good Person
(To the man who used to know me who thinks so little of me.
You don't define me and I don't live in your past anymore.)
I'm NOT Done
Started April 19, 2012-- finished April 19, 2016
I have to believe my love is strong enough to bend the cosmic rules
That death cannot keep me from having you near me
Death cannot keep you from walking through that door again
Your dying cannot possibly be the end...
I'm not done talking.. listening...laughing
The moment past your leaving left me no choice
I'm trying to find the quantum realty-- between the folds of time
There has to be a place where time stands still
Death doesn't have you... I do.. I have all of you still
I have to be unreasonable because I don't how else to be.. without you
Four years later, I have no magic... I have no power
But...Time didn't get the better of me
and I do still have you
Every day I have to believe
my mind is strong enough to find you
Every day I find another piece you left for me...
I put all the pieces together... and I look at you